


I'm Gonna Use This To Cope

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Bullying, Discord - Freeform, F/M, Forced Oral Sex, Harassment, I'm only actually blood related to a couple of people in the story so, Oral, Rough Sex, Swearing, animal and child abuse, ex-friends, forced cuddling but not in the good way, i guess, talk about political issues, usage of the f-word, usage of the n-word, usage of the r-word
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-04-18 15:39:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14216349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I'm gonna be truthful with you guys, this is literally my life story.Decided to abandon this, apparently my brain doesn't like writing about this stuff lmao.PLEASE READ THE TAGS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first story on here! Really, I'm just using this to cope, so please be aware there is going to be a lot of violence, swearing, the n-word, the r-word, the f-word, mentions of drug use, graphic depictions of drug use, rape, mentions of sex, animal and child abuse, bullying, harassment, talking about political issues, and a lot of other stuff. I kinda have a layout for the first two chapters so this story might be kinda all over the place. I will also put warnings before every chapter, warnings before every scene that might contain something triggering, and warnings for when the scene has ended.
> 
> *THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAPTER HAS KINDA GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF MOLESTATION, PLEASE BE CAREFUL*

*THE BEGINNING OF THE GRAPHIC PART*

"STOP CRYING." he says in an angry voice. I am trying, but I don't think he can tell when he's shoving his dick down my throat. I'm trying to tell him to stop but he won't listen. "If you keep on crying, I'm going to tell Mama!" Well, that finally shut me up. If there was anything I was afraid of, it was two things. 1) My parents finding out about my grades, and 2) my mom finding out about what was happening right now. "You know what, just go. We'll see how you do tomorrow." He dragged me up by my hair. "Go." He shoved me off of him. I scrambled up, and ran out the room. I couldn't remember how many times he had already done this to me. I just knew that it wasn't the first time.

*THE END OF THE GRAPHIC PART*

I brushed my teeth, and quickly rinsed out my mouth. I walked into my room and started to pull clothes out of my closet. I put them on, and went downstairs. Then he came downstairs. He made himself some cereal and sat down at the island. I sat on the couch reading a book.

We didn't talk until our parents came home. Then we acted like we normally would. I, a brat, and he, an annoying jerk. We were normal siblings. Well, mostly normal.

We all go on to do our own things. I went to play with my best friend, he went to play with his, my mom drank wine on the couch, and my dad worked on something on the couch next to my mom.

My best friend was a sweet girl. Dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, a lot of energy. She was the extrovert to my introvert. We played with chalk, played hopscotch, hula-hooped, did all the regular things girls our ages did. She was great, I loved her like a sister.

We went outside and decided to sit on the towers in front of my house. We liked to sit there because we felt taller and felt like queens on their thrones. We liked to survey our kingdom from atop there.

Eventually we got bored from just sitting there. We couldn't do anything else because her mom came to take her home, seeing as it was already seven. I said bye to her and we hugged. She turned around and left with her mom. I watched until I couldn't see them anymore.

I turned around and walked up to my front door, opened it, and walked inside. I ignored my parents screaming, and ran upstairs. I got ready for bed, and then got into bed.

I stared up at the ceiling.

'I wish I was dead.' was the only thing I could think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To this day, me and the girl are still very good friends. I don't think I'll ever tell her I was molested though. I would also just like all of you to know that I'm very young in many of these, some happened not long ago.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happened today.

I looked up when I heard the laughter, but I didn't expect to see who saw. He had poofier hair than before, but even from this far away, I could tell it was him. The kid I sometimes wondered about.

He was walking in a big group, about a dozen kids. I started to speed up, not to talk to him, but to get past him and his friends.

I was afraid. His friends were white boys from my high school. I knew they would hoot and holler if they saw me.

I made it just in time, and started to slow down. Then I turned around, and almost started crying. They were going the same way I was. I hoped they wouldn't notice me.

But I kept thinking about him. How was he? Did he still talk to his "best friend"? Did he still practice fencing?

I couldn't ask him of course, but it was there in my mind. I wish we still talked to each other.

I looked behind me again. They were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really miss this guy, he was a great addition to our fencing club. Wish life hadn't gone the way it had.


	3. Chapter 3

I stared at the screen. 'I'll talk to you later.' just sitting there. I hope she really did. I would miss her.

I wondered if I should try and explain myself. Tell her that I was afraid. Afraid of her not talking to me anymore. Afraid of her being angry at me. Afraid of her thinking that I lied about other stuff too.

No. I just shouldn't talk to her, give her some space. Then, if she wants to, we'll talk.

Yeah.

If she wants to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told her something, that was a really big thing. I had tried to tell her before, but I thought she was gonna be angry. Happened a couple days ago.
> 
> Edit:  
> The chapter length will depend on what time it's here, and how I'm feeling. I'll add on randomly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *THERE IS GRAPHIC/UPSETTING CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER, PLEASE BE CAREFUL.*

'How did I get here?' 5 words, 14 letters, 4 spaces. When was the last time you said these words? Thought these words? Think about it. Done? Okay, lets continue. Where did you say these words? At a party that you were forced to go to? In prison? In bed with your fiancé? Were you with someone? Was it said/thought in a good or bad light? What did you think after that? These are all important questions, but have you ever thought about them outside of this story? Probably not, but that's okay. Now lets continue on to the actual story.

*THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE SCENE WITH THE GRAPHIC/UPSETTING CONTENT.*

I knead my hands at the top of his naked back. I then started to move my hands lower.

"Oh yeaaaaaah, that'ssssss the spoooooot." he dragged out the words as I got to his lower back.

I nodded even though I new he couldn't see me.

"Hey can you go a little bit lower?" he raised his head and turned it towards me, his lips raised in a teasing smile.

I looked down at my hands and noticed how they were only a couple inches above his waistband. "I-"

"Oh come on, do it for your big cousin!" he cheerfully ordered with a smile on his face, the threat unspoken.

I swallowed. I pushed my hands down into his pants.

And now, this is where that fateful question comes in, "How did I get here?"

I don't know Me, I don't know.

I pushed my hands lower while he groaned, I dug my thumbs into the tops of his thighs, and cringed when my fingers touched hair.

*THIS IS THE END OF THE SCENE WITH GRAPHIC/UPSETTING CONTENT.*

"JESSICA COME UPSTAIRS." was screamed from upstairs by my aunt.

After hearing this, I quickly took my hands out of my cousin's pants, and ran out of the room and up the stairs.

I could hear him laughing behind me, and I tried not to think about how many of my other cousins had to hear the same laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is where that 'I'm only actually blood related to a couple of the people in the story so' tag comes in. The cousin in this chapter and the cousins I'm referring to at the end of the chapter all fall under this tag.


End file.
